


The Sound of Rain

by celestialfreckles



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, I started writing this right after CH84 came out but just got around to finishing it, M/M, canon!verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:27:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8096815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialfreckles/pseuds/celestialfreckles
Summary: It's amazing how loudly the sound of rain echoes in an empty room.





	

A soft, steady rain pelted the window of Erwin’s office. Levi leaned against the sill, smalls gusts of wind seeping through the seams of the window. His thumb dragged back and forth over the small chip in the rim of his teacup, the tea inside long forgotten. He could not take his eyes off the trails of rain on the window pane, not even long enough to take a sip.

His gaze became unfocused for a second, the rain and the outside world beyond the panel blurring. He could barely hear the scraping sound of paper being turned behind him, and the clinking of a teacup being set down. The epitome of serenity, to Levi at least. However, the office behind him was silent. The sounds he heard were any number of tranquil moments trapped in the recesses of Levi’s mind.

If he did not turn around, it could have been the present, too. So, Levi did not turn around. He blinked, his world coming into focus again, and he set down his tea with a trembling hand, the delicate china cup chinking against the wooden sill.

He closed his eyes, his jaw clenching as the light rain pounded in his ears. He was back outside Wall Maria now, slaying the first mindless titan as if it were a mere fly that landed on Erwin’s desk. He looked over to where he was, leading the charge against the Beast Titan when the sound hit him. Rocks colliding with the men and women who had pledged their hearts to the Scouting Legion, and to _him_.

_Sounds like rain_ , he had thought at the time — he remembered that now — as he moved on to the next of the titans.

The last of the cries from the Scouting Legion died out before he reached the Beast Titan. But the sounds of those screams, those pleas for release from the pain, those last choking sobs before death claimed them haunted Levi. He heard them, echoing, echoing, echoing in his mind until he could not sleep without the helpful aid of Hanji’s elixir.

Even then, they did not leave. Even now, they would not let him rest.

“Levi . . . ”

His eye twitched when Erwin called out his name, and he refused to tear his gaze from the window. He watched a drop of rain join another, falling together to the bottom of the sill. A hand settled on his shoulder for a fraction of a second before it lifted.

“Levi, we need to go.” Hanji’s voice was quiet with a tenderness that would have shocked Levi under any other circumstance. But he was tired. In fact, they both were.

“Just give me five more minutes.”

They sighed and walked a couple paces away. Levi turned a little to the left to see them lean against Erwin’s desk. Hanji dragged their finger across the wood surface, rubbing it and their thumb together and letting out a breathy chuckle.

“What?”

“It’s nice to know that some things don’t change.” Levi grimaced, looking back outside the window. “I’ll be back in five minutes.” He stared at the low corner of the window as he listened to their departing footsteps. The door swung shut behind them, the hinge squeaking. Levi gulped and pressed his palm on the cool pane, pushing away from the window.

Erwin’s office was empty now. Everything was still there of course. All the furniture had not moved a millimeter, Levi had made sure of that. The only change he made was cleaning the entire room once, sometimes even twice a day since his return from Erwin's last expedition with the Scouting Legion. But that was nothing new. Levi set his fingertips on the desktop, straightening the requisition forms that rested in front of Erwin’s chair.

He tore his eyes away from Erwin’s empty chair, his gaze settling on the couch set off to the right of the room, and was trapped once again in a memory.

_“Levi.”_

_Erwin’s deep voice rumbled through his mind, ripping Levi away from his half-hearted attempt at a nap. He sat on the couch, his booted feet propped up on the low table before him. Opening his eyes, he saw Erwin, sitting at his desk and watching him with his intense blue eyes. Golden sunlight from the setting sun filtered through the leaves of the trees dressed in their autumn colors. The mottled light lit the air around Erwin ablaze as if his very presence caused such a reaction. Levi blinked and saw that it was just dust settling in the air. Even so, the sight chased away any trace of exhaustion away from Levi._

_“Yes, Erwin?” he asked, stifling a yawn before it got too far._

_Concern etched itself in Erwin’s expression, his eyebrows scrunching together. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”_

_Levi was about to respond that it was not a problem when he saw a mischievous glint in Erwin’s eyes. “Tch.” Erwin let out a soft sniff with a small smile, the equivalent of laughter for him. Levi pushed himself off the couch, stretching his arms over his head before making his way to Erwin’s desk. “What do you need?”_

_Erwin shifted some papers on his desk, looking over at Levi when he reached his side. “I just had a question about this report.” He handed a leaf of paper to Levi, tapping a section where Levi’s penmanship was messier than usual._

_Levi squinted, holding the paper closer. “Shit, I don’t — "_ He looked back over the paper in his hand, the drizzling rain loud in his ears. Erwin was gone, the chair at his desk empty and his office washed in a dreary gray instead of a fiery gold. He crumpled the paper and dropped it on the desk.

He brushed his hand over the arm of the chair, pushing it back and taking a seat. He crossed his legs, paper crinkled as his knee brushed the bottom of the desk. Levi reached below, unsticking several sheets of paper from their hiding place and laying them over the top of the requisition forms.

“Fuck . . . ”

Two of them were covered with his signature, the penmanship shaky and unsure. This thumb glided over one of the larger signatures before he pushed those to the side. There were four other papers filled with sketches of Levi, Hanji, Mike, Nanaba, and Moblit. The style changed along the way, the lines simpler and the images less defined. There was one where Hanji and Mike were at each other’s throats, and Erwin’s caption read _They are arguing over the budget_. There were several of just Levi, which made sense based on how much time he spent in here. One where he was perched at the window with a steaming teacup, looking outside. _It's snowing and he made us tea_. Another of him at the couch, asleep, his chin resting on his cravat. _He's snoring_.

Levi gathered up the sheets of paper when he heard footsteps approaching. Hanji opened the door and looked inside. “It’s time.” He folded the papers and stuck them in his left breast pocket, where he kept Erwin’s Wings. “I’ll miss this place,” Hanji said as Levi drew near. “We have lots of memories here.”

He closed the door behind him, Hanji locking it with their key. "So, what's the plan now?" he asked, his voice quiet in the darkened hallway of military offices. Hanji nodded toward the exit, Levi following half a pace behind. They led him outside, the rain soaking them both within a few steps out of the office.

"I'm gonna to be honest with you, Levi. I'm not sure. Erwin always had a plan, and now . . . " their voice trailed off, Levi looking up at the sky as rain pelted his face. "Why?" Hanji asked, their voice solemn. "Why did you choose Armin?" Levi gritted his teeth, his gaze dropping from the sky to the muddy ground beneath his feet. He would have to polish his boots later. "I thought, well, I thought that you, of all people, would have chosen him over — "

"Demon," Levi said, starting to walk through the mud. This time, Hanji followed him. "They called him a demon, Hanji. He . . . he wasn't. And if that's all — " he stopped talking, his throat tightening with tears. It took him a minute to compose himself to continue. "If that's all they saw him as, then . . . then he deserved peace. Fuck, he earned it. I couldn't let . . . he . . . " Levi said, wiping the rain from his face and pushing back his sopping hair.

"You loved him," Hanji said, no question in their voice.

Levi's bottom lip quivered and he started walking again. "I don't know what your plan is, but I want to kill the Beast Titan. I promised I would, and I intend to keep that promise." They stopped together at the door to the Scouting Legion quarters, Levi nodding inside when Hanji opened the door. "I'll come inside in a minute."

"All right," they stepped inside, glancing around inside before looking back down at Levi. "I'm here for you, Levi, and I'll see how soon we can get going on fulfilling that promise."

He clenched his jaw, nodding as Hanji shut the door. He sat then, on the step, and folded his arms over his knees. Rain smacked against his bare hands, soaking into his clothes. His head hung with each drop, staring down at the mud beyond his feet. A pair of boots appeared there, flickering in and out as he stared at the leather toes. A warm hand rested on his head and he closed his eyes as he relished in the almost-touch.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as the fingers stroked through his hair.

"I understand," Erwin said, his voice almost drowned out by the downpour. "I'll see you soon." Levi looked up to see him gone as if he were never there — which Levi knew he wasn't, not really. With a heavy sigh, Levi stood, stomping off the mud on his boots before stepping inside the Scouting Legions quarters.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I started writing this before I wrote [In Your Dreams](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7981117). This (obviously) takes place before that fic. I promise I won't write any more (or hardly any more) angst for my precious sons.


End file.
